Over 2 weeks now here in Portland

Well, not sure where to start. Laela and I are good, been here in Portland over 2 weeks now. I've had a few bites, and an interview, and waiting on 3 or 4 people to call back, and I think I've got a PT job. That's my midwest talking. It's been cool as fuck being here, Laela and I were at the ocean a few days ago!!! And it didn't RAIN today, and it's just been a blast living life on the wire. What is the wire, well, Laela got out of Buzz's house while I was gone and stopped a 4 lane intersection both double lanes here, after 2000 miles, and that stopped my heart. From there, it's been gravy, and that was almost 2 weeks ago. So. Oregon is the shit

Into The Wild

Awesome, loved it. So long ol house. You were just what I needed and now its time for me to go.

The weight of my heart, not the size

I'm troubled, I've found sleep difficult these last couple of weeks. Feels like depression is sinking back in, although I hope it's temporary. Carpet will be installed in 48 hours, house listed in a few days, and I hope selling this place (hopefully quickly) relieves what I'm feeling.

Once again, things have changed. Since being single, I've finally gotten to accomplish so many things I couldn't while I was with my last one. And now that those are checked off, it's on to the next. Wanting to share my time, and at the same time, love my alone time. Just so many emotions going, and with this recent death, I'm reminded of my ol enemy, time.

I'm still very grateful for Laela, and having family in town for a few days reminds me, how I don't enjoy being isolated all the time. I'm also reminded of it's always darkest before the dawn, and once started you must finish, and that's where I am at the moment. Just haven't finished. I'm isolating again in someways, re-living some past mistakes, in that I'm closing out this house, and thus this chapter of my life. It certainly didn't go the way I had expected, I try to grateful for what the outcome has been. The way I think now, and the changes that have come about.

I'm looking forward to the additional freedom, not having this house will bring me, and that now out weighs this house, and all the memories and everything else. For whatever reason, I have chosen a path, that my contemporaries, for the vast majority, did not, and I'm sure in their own way, they probably thought the same. I'm sure deep down, we are more alike than we are different.

My heart is heavy tonight, as it has been for a few weeks now. I'm sure all the extra money that has been needed for remodeling is part of it, and I reminded myself this week. That decision, was made long ago. I look forward to having a zero balance, and can make decisions for today, today.

I hope to read this in 90 days and be 2 time zones away, and this be a distant memory.

1 Week

An entire week, smoke free. Still wearing patches, but hey, not one puff. A little sore, stiff in the joints, and don't feel like myself, but hey, made it. Wasn't pretty but made it.

I have been quit for 6 Days, 15 hours, 27 minutes and 11 seconds (6 days). I have saved $45.66 by not smoking 166 cigarettes. I have saved 13 hours and 50 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 7/18/2011 6:00 PM

It's a brand new day

It's been a long time, too long, for me to realize this, it's a brand new day. Starting today, I'm starting over. First things first, some goals, I've been putting off for a long, time, now at the top of the list. Thirty days from today, have part 1 of 2, of my testing done. Not smoking no matter what, and begin working out today. Clean up my health and my act. House being ready to move.

I realize after this last week, my new mantra, Just do it. Like Fancy says, if you want out it's up to you. Like it or not, gotta get back to work. Ultrasound was just a step, not an arrival.

Day 1 of new life begins now.

So long old life, we had some laughs.

Something that I love

I really love my dog, Laela. I can't say or remember enough great things about her. I remember when I first started this blog til now, and I just really enjoy her being happy. Just got done grilling just for her, and of course she takes it to her favorite spot, the stairs, and works away at it. I'm amazed how much happiness/enjoyment I get from it. And I can only imagine parents, and people who would like to be parents.

She works meat like Beethoven worked the piano, or Hendrix the guitar, it's just a work of art, and I'm glad to play my small part.

Amazing

I'm just humbled, that it's taken 6 years to become ready. 6 years. Wow. I can't wait to leave Oklahoma, looking forward to starting my new life in Portland

What if.....

What if, YOU, were in a situation where you could find no relief? No resolution? No matter how many changes you made. An hour, day, week, month, year, years?