Well I am 'here' again. I am now forced to see 'a' world in which I have created. It sucks!! I've hung all of my hopes and dreams that by getting my bachelors degree with my work experience I would be able to land a job I wanted, make decent money and begin a career. Instead, for the last 11 months I haven’t really worked, now doing a job I haven’t done since I was 18, and getting the joy of driving 30 minutes 1 way to do it. This sucks and I can’t seem to come up with a working viable plan to get out of it. All I really know is I am ‘stuck’ here until I do. I just don’t want to end up like my mother!! God HELP ME!!!
Seems like by now I should be ‘grown’ up and know what it is I want to do. And I know there are a lot of people out there regardless of age, that don’t. Not comforting to me. I’ve tried to just relocate and ‘enjoy the scenery’ helps for awhile. Man some people make it look so easy!! Bastards. Seems to me that I’ve fallen down, and not real sure how to get back up, or if I really want to, and I guess I’m just bitching, but hey this is my blog and I can cry if I want to. Stop reading, and I can’t even imagine someone reading this. Is it this painful for other people too? Do they just have a support group of some kind?
Things I am not good at that are becoming grossly apparent:
1. What do I want to do with my life?
2. Learn to manage my life more like a business, i.e. this is not working so stop doing it and do something else
3. Forgiveness
4. Getting a job. Seems like thus far, I have just gotten ‘lucky’ and hoped something landed for me I like. Which is really the last 10 years of my life. So taking a more active role of ‘control’ if that’s possible. My girlfriend assures me it is.
5. Being organized
6. Wanting to want to _____________ Feel in the blank. Besides hedonism, and the here and now, not much do I want to do. Although that has even gotten real old. Even sick of my speech.
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