Okay so I had this very powerful day, of just freaking out and backsliding, and through it, I've learned 2 things. One, my coping skills are a cruel cruel joke at best, and two.... That I now believe in karma, or the law of the harvest or whatever you want to call it for the first time in my life. It's some academic thing, but real. And I believe I believe it now because I think, my conscious is trying to come back.
Fear, pain, and just being LOCKED in self imposed freak out SHOULD be enough to motivate me to change, and apparently I'm pretty stubborn.
Thank goodness for life after "mistakes"
Ciao
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