1 Week

An entire week, smoke free. Still wearing patches, but hey, not one puff. A little sore, stiff in the joints, and don't feel like myself, but hey, made it. Wasn't pretty but made it.

I have been quit for 6 Days, 15 hours, 27 minutes and 11 seconds (6 days). I have saved $45.66 by not smoking 166 cigarettes. I have saved 13 hours and 50 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 7/18/2011 6:00 PM

It's a brand new day

It's been a long time, too long, for me to realize this, it's a brand new day. Starting today, I'm starting over. First things first, some goals, I've been putting off for a long, time, now at the top of the list. Thirty days from today, have part 1 of 2, of my testing done. Not smoking no matter what, and begin working out today. Clean up my health and my act. House being ready to move.

I realize after this last week, my new mantra, Just do it. Like Fancy says, if you want out it's up to you. Like it or not, gotta get back to work. Ultrasound was just a step, not an arrival.

Day 1 of new life begins now.

So long old life, we had some laughs.

Something that I love

I really love my dog, Laela. I can't say or remember enough great things about her. I remember when I first started this blog til now, and I just really enjoy her being happy. Just got done grilling just for her, and of course she takes it to her favorite spot, the stairs, and works away at it. I'm amazed how much happiness/enjoyment I get from it. And I can only imagine parents, and people who would like to be parents.

She works meat like Beethoven worked the piano, or Hendrix the guitar, it's just a work of art, and I'm glad to play my small part.

Amazing

I'm just humbled, that it's taken 6 years to become ready. 6 years. Wow. I can't wait to leave Oklahoma, looking forward to starting my new life in Portland

What if.....

What if, YOU, were in a situation where you could find no relief? No resolution? No matter how many changes you made. An hour, day, week, month, year, years?

13 days

Guess I need to be a little more patient. Showing some signs of improvement, there just has to be some kind of solution for this. But for the life of me I just can't see it yet.

Depression

I can't believe how much this sucks. I can't wait to get to doctor on Thursday, and get some help. I've really just lost any and all direction. And I have no where to go. I'm doing everything I can at the moment, to take responsibility for this, man in the future I hope I never forget this, understand better about others, and to find hope again. It really is at this point, all I can do. I mean damn!

Kandu

Very inspiring story

http://www.dogwork.com/kan6/

Nothing I have

Nothing I have is truly mine -- Dido. Love that sentiment, so true!

Finally!!!!!!!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/05/food-addiction-brain_n_844931.html

I couldn't prove it, but after all the years I've been validated. I've sworn for years, for years, and now, now I have validation

So cool

Well just perusing over this, seems like about every 30 days something even more wonderful happens in my life. I'm so blessed! Anyway...

I woke up this morning feelin like shit. I'm mean shit. And I couldn't remember much about the night before. And I just said, fuck it. I'm done with that. I'm only doing it to myself, so I took some action. And here I am. One of the end goals, is to replace something that just annoys me. I don't even know how it happened.

So much abundance today, peace and love

Another beginning

So, I welcome the tide of change, once again. Things have really changed for me, and what I am getting used to, is the result of that change. I've grown out of need into wants, and it's taking me some time to get used to that. I've never had that before in my life. For now, and hopefully the future I am in a real state of growth. And it is taking me some time to get used to. I'm getting to enjoy 'hobbies' I've only dreamt of and I love it. There has been a learning curve to all of this, and of course I wanted to be super efficient and not waste, but unfortantly I have. I'm not perfect, but that's okay. I'm getting better.

It's very wild/bizarre to be able to say, with money, hey it was part of the learning curve. The end result will justify it, I believe.

This year is going to be great, have a lot of things I'm looking forward to. My hobbies, and my professional life are going to upgrade, and I look forward to the procress, and the results. It's so (no word comes to mind) when you find yourself, 'happy' and not looking for anything (person, place, or thing) to fill that void. I am finally able after 33 years to be able to be. And what I'm learning now is, the vast majority never find this. I have to remind myself how good I have it now, at this moment. I'm so used to my biological parents, and how they fuck everything they touch, and I learn from them how quickly you can lose it. It's taken me a long time to get here.

My biologicals have been great role models of how not to behave or act towards any human being. For that, I am grateful.